She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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