I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
