i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
there is glitter all over my balls
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
