I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
