Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
