i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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