so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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