Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
