You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
