look no pants
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize