I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
