wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
