My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
