My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So vagazzling was a success
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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