Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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