The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
