is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
