she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
