So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
