Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
