I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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