i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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