well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
