I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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