i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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