Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
