A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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