i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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