so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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