Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
