During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
