DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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