Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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