CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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