I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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