Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
