I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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