if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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