I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
