I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
