$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
