and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
