Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
