if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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