The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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