Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
