You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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