3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
