what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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