sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
