My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Say something about gay babies.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
