Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i think my cat just said my name.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
