i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize