if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
