i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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