she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
