you guys were way drunker than both of me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
