She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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