I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
