and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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