i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
