shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
