Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I sprained my soul last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
