1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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