Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
im on a boat
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