Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
