Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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