Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
