her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
