I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
