every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
