guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
