hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
