Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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