I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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