after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
